Haven't Written In Awhile

It feels like we're in a holding pattern. I mean, our state is starting to open up a little. But I still don't feel safe - you might be able to get me into a mall if you paid me, but it would have to be a goodly amount. I'm going to visit my parents next week, and just thinking about stopping at a reststop causes me anxiety.

Half the world seems to think we're almost through this, and the other half thinks we're driving deeper into the worst time in American history since the Great Depression. And since we're in the middle of it all, I don't know which could end up being true. Will I end up losing my job because of the terrible financial situation my university is in? Or will we have one fall semester of partial online classes and then get back to normal in January?Will the economy surge back, or plummet further?

I can't see the future and it's anxiety-inducing. Actually, while some parts of my chronic anxiety have lowered during this crisis, there's a low-level anxiety slowing building as I start to look at the future and the possibilities. I know my sleep patterns have gotten worse, and my prayer-life has suffered, my work has suffered, and I'm starting to not eat as much as normal. That...is actually not a good sign for my mental health, actually. Huh. Unexpected mental health update it is. I don't think I'm depressed yet, since I don't hate myself for any of this, but the lethargy is starting to turn in that direction. Hopefully visiting my parents will help.

I am feeling a little better about the church situation, though part of that is because I nearly had a panic attack during the Skype parish council meeting when talking about reopening and my priest was very calm and encouraging about my anxiety and OCD and how they react to it all. I still don't really agree with the decisions made, but I also recognize that my parish, like all churches and businesses and groups, is in a situation where there are no good answers. We can't keep going with 8 people attending church each weekend, we need communion as much as we need air and food and water. And we can't ignore the safety issues, out of love as much as out of legal compliance. No one is completely happy with the decisions made, so I guess that's a sign that it's the only good decision at the moment.